It's getting back to me again.
I used to be so afraid of boys in my pri sch and lower secondary days tat i would actually turn and walk in another direction upon seeing the opposite sex or try to keep the furthest distance away from them as possible if there is really no other way of averting them! So yea, i think i actually spent half my life avoiding boys back then hhaha!
Then it got better when i reach upper sec and had my first boyfriend. He taught me how to hold a conversation with boys and to actually muster up the courage to look them in the eye. It's really nice to have guy friends around really.
But recently, my phobia found it's way back.
I dunno why but i'm feeing all awkward, out of place and totally weird whenever i'm around them! Even during class outings and friends gathering and such the feeling of awkwardness just kicks in. It's horrible and totally sucky! I do the most silliest things and spill out the most idiotic nonsense around guys that i would usually not. It's almost like i'm another person, someone who had no idea at all how to behave in front of boys. So i keep quiet, stand still and die down. I dun feel alive at all. It really does take alot of effort to maintain a kool front and behave normally in front of them. Then once some guy speaks to me, my inside freaks out and i reply him with the most stupidest answer ever that even i would cringe when i recall what i've just said. Worse still, i even have to force myself to look into the eyes of that opposite sex when we're talking!
Oh my i think i'm really better of being with all my girlfriends! It's when i feel like myself and not all awkward and stupid hahaha!
