I used to love saying hi to all the ppl i know but now i hardly even wave to them anymore.
HAHA this is going to be a little sad i guess, but yea, i'm not that hyper or smiley anymore!:( (wellllll i still am, but not so much! haha!)
Perhaps it's the A LVLS stress or maybe it's just the work of my mundane J2 life. I'm starting to feel abit afraid! What if i cant get into NUS or NTU or SMU?!? Then i'm gonna die big time. I'll be stuck halfway, not knowing where else to go. Everybody's working so hard now! And i'm still playing my time away! Hmmmmmmmmmm, maybe it's time i should really start studying already!!!
But i just cant! HAHA! Since june i've been telling myself to study study and everyday i come home from school i'm doing everything except studying! GRRRRRRR!
Studying makes me sad, really! When i'm all alone in my room with only my pathetic notes to accompany me through my evening till 9pm (that's when my mom will come and call me to watch TV tgt!;D), all the horrible thoughts and feelings which i had successfully block out all comes back to me! It's just like how the water behind a dam got stored up until it's so immense that the dam could no longer hold the vast amount of water back anymore and have no choice but to release it.
I would often think about irrelevant things like how i could make people like me, or how i could make my hair nicer, or ponder over the idea of dyeing my hair - (would dyeing harm my hair??) to the more mature topics like what should i aspire to be when i grow up.
And in the process i'll start worrying about how i'm gonna support my parents in the future, about how everything's gonna be ruined if i dun get into a university, about how i should continue if i dun get married before 25 (or can't even find a husband at all! Ohhh the horror:/ ), about how i'm still gonna meetup with all my friends considering how busy everyone's lives will be when we graduate from school and move on to work and set up our own families! Oh my just thinking about my future makes me heavyhearted!
I don't want to move on! I don't want to grow up! I don't want to leave school! I don't want to enter the hectic and seemingly mean workforce! I don't want to part from my classmates! I don't want to be seperated from my friends and being able to meet them only like once every month! I don't want to feel vexed over money matters or family problems or baby problems!
I just want to remain how i am now, in school with all my friends and classmates! I still want to be able to go shopping, movies, swimming...everything i like as and when i want without a care in the world! Ponning school is as easy as ABC when youre still young and carefree and lively! But once you enter adulthood and pon your work, haha you'll give your boss a bad impression and frequent ponning will make you at risk of losing your job!
When you grow up, everything has a price and in everything you do, you have to be responsible, you can't shake problems off like child's play like how i'm shaking things off now! Gosh i dun want to grow up! I dun think i can survive!!
It's funny how peculiar thoughts can just pop out in your head when you're alone and just stoning.
Why can't the world just be a nice and friendly place forever where everyone just loves and adores each other and smile every single second?!
Why can't there be an equal number of boys and girls so everyone would be able to find their soulmate and live happily ever after?!
Why can't everyone just remain young and beautiful till they actually got sick of life and decides to poof and become a flower or something?!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I guess it's true how people say one can never be hundred percent worry-free.
But it's alright;D I'll just have to endure till it's 9pm! Haha!;D
